I’ve been trying to wrangle my thoughts and emotions so that I could adequately convey what I am feeling in the midst of all that has transpired over this last week. After much reflection, I do not think there are enough words in the English language to express the pain and sadness that I feel watching yet another Black person senselessly lose their life at the hands of those who are supposed to protect and serve. To say it is scary to be a black person in America is an understatement. The stress and anxiety we face daily going out into the world is traumatizing. We live a life of trauma over something NO ONE in the world can control. This post is not to make non-black people understand what we face or to try and convince anyone that there’s a problem in America. Whether you choose to see it or not is on you, I am no longer making it my responsibility to educate anyone on something that has been taking place for the entire history of America.

Yesterday was so sad and my heart has broken for so many reasons. My heart breaks for my people and for the rest of the American people. My people are hurting and they are scared and beaten down and I believe many non-black people share the same sentiments of being scared and worried. We are living in unprecedented times in more ways than one. There’s a pandemic that is ripping through the world & there is also a genocide taking place against American people by American people. The destruction that took place yesterday is a direct result of that and it was horrible, but I’d be lying to say I don’t understand how we got here… You know how tired Americans are of school shootings taking place and how frustrating it feels to have lawmakers speak out against school shootings but never actually do anything for gun reform? You know how sad you are to watch it unfold online and on the news when another one happens? That is the same exhaustion, sadness, anger, and frustration that Black people feel about police brutality and the murders being committed. If you can be outraged at someone walking into a supposedly safe place and opening fire why can’t you be outraged at a police officer, someone who is supposed to keep us safe, abusing their badge and murdering a person in broad daylight? We are told to comply, don’t talk back, be respectful, but even when we adhere to cops requests we still end up dead. Why should we have to fear the people who are supposed to protect us? George Floyd was on the ground, he was handcuffed, he was begging for just an ounce of sympathy from one of the many officers out there to stand up for him and get that man off his neck. This did not have to end this way and if you can’t see that it is simply because you are choosing not to.

My heart aches for the cops that took this job to make a difference and now have to go out here and defend themselves against the people they swore in to protect and serve. No matter how many bad cops there are I will never allow them to take my faith that good ones are out there. I personally know one and he is in Baltimore doing what he can to be a light and create change. I am proud of the police that truly do what they can to protect all people all the time not some people sometimes. However, that’s not enough. This falls on them when they are not standing up against the evil nasty cops that are tormenting black people daily.

This is now a discussion across the nation and that’s because of the rioting. We tried kneeling peacefully and that was an issue. But this way doesn’t work long term. We need a solution that involves true justice and being fired and charged with third degree murder is not it. I am saddened to see people resort to such destruction because they literally have no other way of getting people to listen to, or even acknowledge our plights. Regardless of how you feel about what has gone on around the world over the last 24 hours, it has definitely gotten the conversation rolling and that is the entire issue right there. No one is listening until highways are shut down, until buildings are being burned and looted, until it is so blatantly in your face that you have NO CHOICE but to acknowledge it. Why does it have to go this far for people to pay attention and open their eyes? The destruction and looting has gotten so out of hand and there are so many people out here doing things for the wrong reasons but in all honestly how long can non-black Americans expect for Black Americans to remain docile and nonviolent when there is literally a genocide going on? This is a cry out for help. People can only go unseen and unheard for so long before an uprising begins. While I don’t agree with many of the events that have taken place, I am holding space for understanding and I am not criticizing anyone for how they express their emotions.

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