My Decade

Earlier I shared a post about starting a new decade without my mom. Awesomely written by a gal named Christie; It was a great blog post about how it feels to be coming in to this new decade without mom and it really resonated with me. Chase read that post and then called me asking if I was going to write something – truth is, I wasn’t. But here I am after a little encouragement on Chase’s end. Thank you Chase for always pushing me forward, this post is for you.

Here’s what I learned over the last decade:

The main themes for me from this past decade seemed to be resilience and strength. So many things happened that challenged both of those aspects of my character. Looking back, one thing I know for certain is that life goes on. That sounds harsh but it’s the truth. No matter what happens to you, no matter how hard it rocks your world, no matter how extremely devastating and challenging your circumstances seem to be – LIFE GOES ON. There is always a new day on the horizon and there is nothing anyone can do to stop that. It is up to you whether you are going to pick up and keep going with it or curl up in a ball and crumble. Truthfully, I did a little bit of both. Moving on from truly devastating events such as the loss of your only living parent is no easy task but in my opinion there is no other alternative. Sure I’ve had my days where I’ve crumbled. I shut down, I broke down, I curled up in a ball and I hid, but you can bet your bottom dollar I picked up and kept going the next day. The thing about life’s challenges is that it’s okay to sit with the emotions they bring, just don’t take up residency there. No matter what you’re facing, find the resilience and strength within yourself and keep putting one foot forward. Everyday won’t be perfect but there’s nothing wrong with that. Lean in to those bad days and spend time with whatever you are feeling. Learn from it, understand it, grow with it.

In this day and age there is so much toxic positivity all around us it is overwhelming. I am here to tell you that you don’t always have to be positive but you do always have to keep going. The best advice I can give anyone is to take one day at a time and remember that tomorrow is always a new one. Spend as much time as you can with people who make you happy and doing things that make you happy. I truly would not be here today without my family, friends, and God. I don’t want to share my story and make anyone think I did this on my own. My family and my friends truly have surrounded me and built a wall of support so strong that I cannot break. I also prayed – A LOT. In the last decade I have found out just how important my family and my friends are to me. I’ve found a renewed faith in the Lord. I’ve learned to be more compassionate, I’ve learned to put someone before myself. I traveled, I loved, I laughed, and I cried. I experienced heartbreak in multiple different ways. I won, I lost, I graduated, I got rejected, I quit a job and found a new one, I became a dog mom. I grew, I learned, and most importantly, through the ups and the downs, I never gave up. And if you’re reading this neither did you and for that we should celebrate!

The other day Lauren London made a post reflecting on the loss of her partner, Nipsey Hussle. In the post she said “Half of me is in heaven while the other half is here to pick up and continue. Things will never be the same but everyday I still wake up and pray Lord, use me.” That so adequately explains how I have been feeling since March 17, 2018. Half of me is gone, it left with my mom and will not return. It isn’t up to me to fill this void but rather to continue moving forward and finding comfort and solace within the new me. I’m still trying to figure out exactly what God is doing with me, but I sure do hope that he continues to use me. Going into my first full decade of adulthood without my mom is definitely going to be challenging. There will be good days and bad days I know that for certain but no matter what I will continue to live, love and grow. Which is just what she would have wanted me to do. Happy 2020 everyone!

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